Alex's Kisses

His kisses, full of fiery strength, always promise a feast for the senses. There's no control in love. He's pinned to the wall, his thick neck forming an arch from beautiful broad shoulders to the soft tuft of hair tickling at my palm. As I encroach upon my sumptuous prize, heels raised, a sabotage of the senses betrays me. I am Pavlov's bitch, salivating at the friendly assault of masculine aroma, breathing in the sweet bouquet of man, my man. A hand slides down my back and delirium. Sometimes, there's pressure. Sometimes, a chase. Most times, I come to, groping, and he's groping, like lost pilgrims finally come home. And how many times might I lose myself, and he himself, to journey to some holy place, to bask in the exquisite void? Till death, with many happy returns.

My Faithful Boulder

You quote the I Ching as I stare in wonder. At the still of the brook, the tiled surface of gentle ripples moves us in different ways. Mesmerized by the calm of the image, bubbling liveliness at my back; the water calls to me, summoning the hidden life-source from my soul to its world, infinitely deep. For a moment, I feel as though I might melt into the trembling paradise of watercolored trees. Then you toss an orange peel, and the moment dissolves. I feel the breeze, and the hard rock below me, and your presence, still and patient. How thankful I am for these faithful boulders, who hold me so close to Elysium without falling in.

Artist's Block

Constricting, python-like: my feeble mind is an insurmountable wall of distractions. In the void of self-hypnosis, I can't, I won't, I don't. Somewhere in this shell, amongst mounds of tissue, there is a capacity for beauty. But this snake, unshakable, drains like a leech. Duped only in dreams and death, in moments where memories fade. I can become a vessel. Permeate, release, and create.

Last Request

Martyrdom. Sacrifice. Penance. Libation. Take my love, my heart, my soul. I want; nothing. There is nothing you can give. Only, let me enjoy this moment of surrender. Allow the honeyed perfume of my extinguished prayers to bid their fading farewells. And as the last sweet reverie clouds my impassive mind, know I dream of you, of silken caresses, and eternal love.

Stress or Boredom?

Have you ever been struck by the feeling that the word is so small, there is no escaping the familiarity? Everything is so civilized. I want to get lost in a place unlike anything I've ever known.

I have many words by which to communicate--all originating from one loud gasp for life. There is safety in understanding. We talk, we repeat, we repeat, we carry time forward. Descend alone into the inward world of association that ticks like a clock, chiming with certainty. Somewhere in this mind there's a bug that will separate me from you forever. When reason does not reason I will be alien to this world. Spreading my wings I will shed this habit of fear, metamorphosed into a curious child, the white light leading me to god.

Written: March 22, 2007

Nothing

"And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters."

Genesis 1: 1-2

Exile me from this beautiful life, but let me see what it is I am not. So I can lurk like a ghost, feeling nothing, sensing nothing. But at least I'll know. Forever, I will know.

Written: Friday, June 08, 2007